Things fall apart, sort of

I'm definitely wearing too many hats these days. Whenever something goes awry in one area of my life, it throws the other areas into chaos; I'm too tightly scheduled. And right now, no area of my life is running very smoothly.

My daughter has a black eye; apparently, she fell walking up the steps at daycare, because she was tired and cranky. It turns out she's been waking up at night for several nights; hubby got her settled without my even waking. (Oh, bad mommy!) She's at a wonderful family care in the provider's home, but lately we've had concerns about how one of the other kids is treating H. So the black eye made me take a closer look at how that was going. No, the other kid wasn't even there that day, but I found out some other things that were kind of unsettling. Fortunately, the other kid is about to leave for summer camp and then preschool.

Of course, just thinking through what to do about this takes time. Meanwhile, work is ever-eventful and taking a lot of my mental time. Never mind all the other things (family, friends, sick older car, troublesome younger cat, etc.). I find myself falling into my bed at night, exhausted, but staying awake because that's the only time I have even to think, without work deadlines looming, H making immediate demands, or planning dinner and H's food for the next day.

Tonight, I did what I often end up doing with my pump: a partial change-out. By the time I got H to bed (she's in a "big-girl" bed now, and I rest next to her for about 15 min. once she's settled in) and changed out my insulin (the reservoir was almost out completely) I didn't have enough time left before bed to wait the requisite hour or two before testing to be sure it's working (especially considering I often have to change it out again, because it ends up not working - and then I have to wait another hour...). So I changed out just the reservoir, putting in new insulin, and kept the old infusion set in. I'll change it out in the morning - mid-morning at the latest.

I always make a pact with myself that I'll actually change the set out the next day, and not get lazy and wait three more days. I've actually kept to that. The only time I've left an infusion set in for two cycles (about 6 days total) was a couple of months ago, when I had tried so many times to get a new infusion set in, anywhere on my body, with only painful and useless results, that I really had no choice. (In that regard, things have generally been better lately, though not always perfect).

I often find the easiest time to change out my pump is at work. I just have to use the private rest room in another wing (good thing we have that), and endure the rude stares of the folks who work there. I think to myself, when I see them, "Yes, I'm really an employee here, and yes, I have a right to use this rest room." Maybe they're just wondering who I am, but I feel self-conscious and oh-so-slightly defensive. No one's ever said anything out loud, of course. There are plenty of times when the infusion set gets clogged suddenly, and I have to change it at work, so I'm over there a lot. Hence the "sedan" bag of a purse that I carry, with extra supplies, with back-up supplies in my car.

It's a good thing it's spring, and we are getting some nice evenings for walking and playground time. I just love watching H run from her stroller to the swings when we first arrive, as if she's running to a long-lost friend. These are the kinds of things I know I'll remember when I look back years from now. And I always remember, it could be worse; knock on wood, no emergencies.