Backtracking

It's a quiet day in mommyhood today, at long last. Travel - even a short road trip, like we had last weekend - can throw things off a bit. I love to travel - I did a lot of it when I was younger - but now, it comes at a much bigger cost. Potty training got set back for a week. My glucose levels were, thankfully, stable. Good thing, as I spent most of the past week running up and down the stairs so many times, to get the necessary new clothes, etc., that I'd get to the top or bottom of the stairs, and forget which way I was going. I briefly considered going back to diapers (for H, not me!) - but that's a big no-no, apparently. I'm sure H's pride would have suffered, too. She may seem like a happy-go-lucky kid, and she is, but she's also hyperaware of what's going on around, and to, her. That still-forming ego of hers is fragile. Going back to diapers would have made her feel like a "bad person," as she told me once this past week after having had three "accidents" in an afternoon. Ouch!

We seem to be back on track now, so I'm glad we stuck with it. Diapering 37 pounds of wiggling and giggling is too much work! Sometimes I wonder where I get the energy to be a parent. Mostly, it comes from watching H. I get to eat a lot of extra carbs, too, I think. I snack almost as often as she does. I only hope that my regular eating isn't making her eat too often; any time she sees me eating, she wants what I'm having. I try to keep it healthy and low-fat, and limit amounts. I also try to keep H's activity level higher than mine. We go to the playground a lot, so all I have to do of fret over whether she'll fall of the high structures while she runs around like a nut.

It was maybe even harder to deal with this setback because we'd finally made it out of the woods, so to speak. (As in, does a bear...?) We'd just started coming out of a bad rut we'd fallen into because of the potty training. Not only would H want a "special treat" after using the potty - every single time - we also couldn't stray far from said potty, so trips to the playground became rare. I could tell both she and I were on the wrong track, healthwise. The treat would be a cookie or sometimes even a cupcake - that was what I had on hand, left over from what someone else brought to our house, at the beginning of training, so that's what she started demanding. Now, you may say, so what, a not-yet-three-year-old girls "demands" shouldn't be hard to handle. But then, you don't know toddler girls, and you don't know my H in particular. Sure, I could ignore the demands, or try to persuade her in another direction (here, have an m-and-m instead of a cupcake), but a full-on fit would ensure - followed by a nice puddle on the floor. See, parenting is this funny thing where your ability to control situations is always being challenged, if not out-right threatened.

But all was not lost. I switched to giving her a treat only after at least a half day of good potty use. I also made her play more in the yard, and started heading to the playground as soon as she uses the potty after arriving home from daycare. This last part isn't always easy, because once home, H settles into a routine that often involves TV. It's hard to get kids to switch gears. But she's old enough that she can hold a reward idea in her head for a decent while - so waiting a couple of hours for a cookie is usually possible, and the idea of the playground manages to lure her outside eventually, if I keep reminding her of the reward that's coming.

I'm not even sure how we got into the routine of the "special treat." When potty training started, I didn't want to use sweet rewards; I tried just praising H, and also giving her stickers and, a couple of times, bigger, non-food presents. She really liked all of this. But at one point we had those cookies and cupcakes in the house, and I let H have one and said it was a reward. I guess that was a mistake. (Ya think?!) I was partly horrified (all that sugar!), partly pleased that she could actually eat the stuff without any apparent immediately bad effects (like I would have), and partly desperate to make potty training work. But oh, the back-tracking! And yes, maybe the lure of the treat was that much greater because we hadn't allowed it before - because I just don't eat that stuff, and don't have it in the house.

Still, as I started out saying, things seem to be settling in well, we're down to one cookie a day, and I am breathing a lot easier. Motherhood is a symbiotic relationship, in that your daily routines are intimately intertwined. Anything that affects one person in this relationship deeply affects the other - and diabetes makes that even more true, or maybe just makes it more noticeable.