It's the little things...(warning: female talk)

...like a hug from your two-year-old that takes her whole body, wrapped around you. And her grin that lights up her face, and body, and everything around her. And her little voice that whispers sweetly one minute, then shouts "happy" as loud as possible the next, as she stands on the highest (gulp) climbing block on the playground. These little things make it all worthwhile.

And all is a lot, in the case of a diabetic mom. I'm pleased to find out, there are a lot of us sharing our stories out there, and they seem to confirm that this is a crazy disease that upends your life, but that there's a lot we can do to make it work, and a lot we can do to help each other - both in simple support and actual information. It seems we have a lot more in common than doctors realize - it's not just "work with your doctor to tailor your medication and diet to your individual needs," though of course we are all individuals ("I'm not!").

I only wish I had known about all of you when I was pregnant, and reading "What to Expect..." It was more like "What you would expect - if you were normal." We diabetics get relegated to about chapter 500 (OK, I exaggerate, but only slightly). There's a little bit of helpful information, like don't exercise to more than 70% of the "maximum safe heart rate" for your age (and a way to calculate that). But otherwise, it's a list of information written for someone who's never heard of diabetes before - not someone who's lived with it for, say, 20 years.

One reason I'm thinking about this is my sister-in-law is pregnant (actually, both my sisters-in-law are - how great!!). A couple of days ago, she was asking me about my experiences during my pregnancy. And we kept coming up with these points where a regular pregnancy and a diabetic one diverge. Like, what did I think of the advice to avoid all artificial sweeteners during pregnancy? That's one of the pointers I just had to laugh about while I was pregnant. You want me to test my blood sugar 12 times a day, eat like a bird despite massive cravings (nothing like a regular diabetes diet), AND avoid artificial sweeteners (and coffee, while I'm at it)? I don't think so. Not to plug a product, but I had been using Splenda before pregnancy, and I figured, since it doesn't actually get metabolized and passes right out of the body, it was okay, as long as I wasn't guzzling diet Cokes all day. I drank one (strong!) cup of coffee every morning throughout pregnancy, with Splenda, and tried to avoid artificially sweetened drinks and food otherwise, but I did have diet Coke occasionally - better than a margarita, right? (Maybe the coffee is what made my daughter so lively!)

Another diversion from the norm (warning: the faint of heart might want to skip this paragraph): My sister-in-law is getting a bit nervous (as any woman in her position has a right to be) about the impending birth, worried about when she'll go into labor and how she'll handle the pain. I had little advice to offer. For me, the "when" was just "when is the doctor going to fit me in?" because I wasn't allowed to go past my due date and would be induced if it went that long. (Actually, I ended up being induced a week ahead of my due date, because I developed pre-eclampsia and I looked so swollen, I think the OB just took pity on me.) And after 22 hours of labor, I had an emergency C-section (probably just because my baby's head was, well, huge, but also because I didn't progress). I experienced some of the pain (during those 22 hours), with an epidural that didn't quite stay in right (but I was glad to have something!). But of course, when it came time, I had complete pain blocking for the C-section. That said, plenty of women have C-sections, so maybe my experiences will help my sister-in-law after all. Still, not all women have an IV drip (glucose and insulin) attached to them, right from the get-go, and get plopped in the bed, with no chance to stay upright, walk, or do any of those things that move labor along.

It just seems like, with every little thing, diabetes creates an alternate universe, so that you can feel connected to others only up to an extent, but then suddenly your experience veers off and is completely foreign from everyone else's. I love being a mom, obviously because I love my child, but also because it's given me a chance to connect to other women in a way I've never experienced. Yet all these little differences remind me it's not quite the same.

And yet, when my daughter smiles at me, none of that matters.